He'll be the Darcy to your Elizabeth
by whenthemarshmallowmettheslayer
Summary: "I hate you," Steph confessed (What was he Father Todd?) in a congested voice. "Why's that?" Jason asked to play along. "Because I could be at home sick instead of being here sharing the living room tv with Damian and you while being mother henned by Alfred." "You do know that there are multiple living rooms with tvs in them in this house?" Jason asked her with raised eyebrow.


Jason scanned the table for everyone reaction.

...Nothing. Absolutely no reaction.

Dick kept munching on his cereal, Tim was sipping his coffee while focusing on whatever was on his ipad's screen before taking a bite out of his toast every other minute, Bruce kept reading his copy of today's Gotham Gazette.

How exactly was his family considered the greatest detectives in the world? Jason wondered as he twirled his spoon between two of his fingers.

"So am I the only one whose light bulb just flickered on?" Jason asked, in a taunting voice, his oh so blind family.

Dick looked up from his cereal. Wow. What an accomplishment (getting Dickiebird to look up from his Captain Crunch) Jason had just made. "Damian and Stephanie bicker all the time. It's what siblings-" Jason let out a snort at that. No Damian and Steph weren't arguing like siblings. They had been arguing like Dick and Barbara had when before they had started dated (Jason knew this from Alfred's retellings) "-do Jason."

Jason was tempted to reply back that the truth universally acknowledged, that a boy who is Robin or has been Robin shall be attracted to an female older than him.

Jason didn't though because his retort would have been lost on Dick who hadn't even watched Godfather. (Plus Jason didn't have, despite popular belief, have a death wish and that he would be given if he admitted what older female he had been attracted to (and slept with). Bruce might actually let Damian almost kill him if he ever found out that Jason had actually slept with his ex, Talia Al Ghul, who also happened to be Damian's mother.)

* * *

There were two other people who had figured out what Jason had. They weren't Damian and Stephanie (no surprise since love was supposedly blind). The first was Alfred who had figured it because he was the all knowing guardian and butler to the Wayne family.

The second was Barbara who had figured it out because she and Dick use to act just like Steph and Damian did now. The two of them had started making bets. The first bet had been about which one of their family members would be fourth to figure it out.

(Barbara chose Cass saying that she would figure it out once she visited the family while Jason betted on Tim.)

The second bet was when Steph and Damian would get together. There would have been a third bet if they both hadn't agreed that Damian would make the first move not giving a damn about his age (or the age difference between him and Steph) like he always did.

* * *

(Jason ends up having to pay Barbara three hundred dollars for the first bet. Cass had become the fourth member to figure it out and Jason had learnt a lesson. Never bet a large amount of money when betting against an Oracle.)

"We-" Cass, who was still new to speaking, then paused probably thinking of the right way to phrase it. "- need to get them acknowledge the unacknowledged attraction. It is distracting...very loud too."

Jason found himself nodding to her words and not just because he wanted to win the second bet. Cass was right. Damian and Steph's unacknowledged attraction was really becoming an annoyance.

"Yeah we do little sis."

* * *

Jason's date with Rosa's (a dinner on East End that Jason frequented after a night of hard patrol) chili dogs were interrupted by Bruce sliding into the booth in front of him.

Goodbye good day I have been having so far I shall miss you, Jason thought as he finished chewing the bite of chili dogs that was in his mouth.

"Why did you beat Grey Ghost so bad he had to be taken to hospital's emergency room?" Straight to business no small talk. Bruce was always the same and therefore very predictable.

"That guy," Jason started before taking another bite- Did Bruce really expect him to stop eating because he was being questioned by the Goddamn Batman?- of his meal. "-has been harassing Steph for months and could take leave me alone as an answer. So I gave him a reason to remember that he should take no as answer the first time."

Jason's answer actually left Bruce silent. Did his answer actually hurt Bruce because he was acting like his younger self? Beating up assholes who couldn't take no as an answer. Bruce still clung to the belief that Jason was insane and nothing like his younger self because of his dip into the Lazarus Pit.

Jason, if he was actually asked, would freely admit that he wasn't the person he had been once but (no one asked) it wasn't the pit that had changed him. No it had been his mother (his blood) handing him to Joker, being beaten an inch to death and then dying from being blown up (something Jason did not reccomended), crawling out of his grave (huh, Jason had something in common with Buffy), and after recovering from being brain dead finding out that Bruce had, not only, not even tried to avenge him but had replaced him as if he was nothing - like he was a toy.

(I need another black haired boy with blue/or green eyes to be my soldier in my pretend battle of Gotham and it's cowardly criminals. Do you have such a toy? Because mine gout blown up by my playground bully, the Joker.)

Did Bruce honestly think a person could go through all that and be okay (no anger or ptsd issues at all)? No the asshole couldn't. Not when he could blame the Lazarus pit.

They sit in silence (Jason had finished his chili dogs) for several minutes that seemed like hours before Bruce opened his mouth.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in Stephanie?" Bruce asked before Kelly, Jason's regular waitress, walked up and asked if he wanted something. Coffee. He would like some coffee was the answer he gave.

"First off I've always been interested in Steph but she was dead when I came back home." Jason flashed Bruce an ugly smile when he said home.

"Two, I'm not interested in her because I'm attracted to her if that's what you're thinking. I'm interested in because Barbie Batgirl and I have so much in common. My dad was a petty criminal and the woman who I thought was my mom for years was a druggie. Steph's father is the Cluemaster and her mom use to be a druggie. We're both kids who aren't genius smart like Tim or Olympian gymnast like Dick yet still became Robin. I was beaten up by a crowbar by the Joker before being blown up. Steph was tortured by Black Mask before she died."

Jason made finger quotes when he said died. "Now here is some other interesting facts. We both had Robin taken away from us before we fell into Joker and Black Mask's hands. Both of us were unavenged. You replaced both of us with Tim. Though the real reason you made Steph Robin was because you wanted Tim to become jealous enough to agree to being Robin again."

Jason paused as Kelly came over and gave Bruce his coffee. Jason took a sip of his Pepsi before asking the question that had been bugging him for years. Since Talia had told him all that had occurred while he had been dead and later been brain dead.

"So my question to you is did you make me Robin to make Dickbird jealous enough to come back to Gotham and be Robin again?"Jason bite the inside of his cheek as he waited for Bruce's answer.

"No Jason I didn't," Jason stopped biting the inside of cheek at Bruce's answer. Jason was tempted to smile but this was Bruce and there would be a but - there always was. (Please God don't let there be a but. Just this once after everything I been through let me have this.)

"I took you in so you wouldn't become a criminal and I failed." With that Bruce slid out of the booth and left some money (enough money to pay the bill and give Kelly a good tip) on the table on the table that had been between them only a few seconds ago before walked out of the dinner. While Jason-

Jason honestly felt as though the Joker had hurt him less than Bruce had right now. And God did that feeling suck. Why was it that Bruce was able to hurt him so much? Even though Jason still hated him for not caring enough about him to kill the Joker?

Jason cradled his head in hands.

* * *

"Well if you guys do find where Mad Hatter new liar is call me or beep me if you want to reach me because I'm going ho-" Steph violently sneezed before she could say home.

"No you're not," Jason snapped at her immediately. Steph along with Dick turned around and threw him a wtf look. While Damian gave him a look Jason had nicknamed 'what is idiot Todd doing now.' Jason ignored the looks in favor of giving Alfred a nod. Jason was not the type of guy to wink (that was more Dickiebird's thing) and nor was Alfred so Jason had given a nodd in the direction of the closet man Jason had to a grandfather.

Said pseudo grandfather nodded, oh so slightly, back at Jason as if he knew exactly what Jason was up to. He probably did since he was the one to introduce Jason to Pride and Prejudice.

"It's pouring down rain and sneezed. You can call your mother and inform her you'll be staying at a friend's house because of the weather. Alfred, being the brilliant British man he was, stepped in.

"I'm afraid Miss Stephanie-"

"Call me Steph Alfred," Steph interrupted.

"-that Master Jason is right. It would be unwise to travel in such violent weather when you are welcomed here where it is warm and there is hot cocoa that needs to be drank." Damn Alfred was good.

"I'll even phone your mother to inform her of your of you staying here while you change into more suitable clothing to rest in." With that Alfred walked off with a slight saunter (but you wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know the butler that well).

"Not to be rude but what did that just actually happen?" Steph's confusion was easy to read in her voice and on her face.

"Yes. Yes it just did." Dick confirmed with confusion in his voice too.

It didn't last long. "Jason what are you up to and why is Alfred helping you?"

Jason shrugged casually. "What can I say Dickiebird? Alfred likes me best. And I'll give you a hint to my next diabolical scheme. It's a tale that almost as old as your scaly green panties." With that Jason left the Cave to help himself to some hot cocoa that Alfred had mentioned a few minutes ago.

* * *

"I hate you," Steph confessed (What was he Father Todd?) in a congested voice.

"Why's that?" Jason asked to play along.

"Because I could be at home sick instead of being here sharing the living room tv with Damian and you while being mother henned by Alfred."

"You do know that there are multiple living room with tvs in them in this house?" Jason asked her with raised eyebrow.

Steph opened her eyes for the first time during their conversation and glared daggers at him. "I'm sick. I don't want to move you dumbbutt-"

"Fatgirl," Damian interjected,"it is perfectly fine to call Todd dumbass in my presence. Despite Grayson's delusions I am not the average pre-teen so it makes no sense to treat me such. So it is fine for you curse out Todd if you wish."

"Just pick out your movie already or I'll get Damian to throw my pillow at you!"

Jason ended up picking Beauty and the Beast. He was not going to lose that second bet.

* * *

"Let me guess. You came over to insult my weight since it's the reason Mad Hatter didn't try to kidnap me which would have allowed the others and you to find out where he was holding the other girls." For the first time since Jason had meet Barbie Batgirl she wasn't hiding the pain she was feeling or her insecurity behind a pun, behind her sharp snarkiness and sarcasm. He watched silently as Damian walked over to Steph.

"No Brown I am here to tell you to stop beating yourself up about Hatter's stupidity when there are more productive things to do."

Steph whirled her head around to look at Damian- was his face redder darker than usual?- to see if he was not bullshiting her probably.

"His stupidity?" Blonde Batgirl repeated in an incredulous tone.

"Yes the Hatter is stupid as he is insane. That is no knews. There is nothing wrong with you if you have curves."

There was no doubt. Damian had been slightly blushing but not anymore. He was actually as red in face as Rudolph noise. Huh. Admittedly, Jason enjoyed the sight infront of him - an embarrassed Damian who was red in his face- silently.

"Are you- the boy who nicknamed me fatgirl- telling me that it is okay that I have more grain in my hourglass figure? Cause if you are I'm calling bs." Even though she was upset she still didn't curse in front of the kid. Jason just shook his head at her and her morals.

"And here I was under the impression that in this family and this country you give nicknames to the people you care for. Even the annoying ones," was Damian's scarristic reply.

"So you weren't actually giving me hell about my weight but were trying to express that you care about me even if I annoy you. Huh. I guess you do learn something new every day." Steph still sounded disbelieving in Jason's ears as well as Damian's.

"This is the last I am saying this Brown and I will never admit to this conversation ever taking place if asked by any other. Girls are thin are frail. They could be easily broken. You are curvy there for-" it actually was possible for Damian's face to become more red "- sturdy which you need for the nightly activities which we share." Oh God. Jason hadn't need to see that. Did the kid even realize the innuendo he had just made? "And you have not broken or given up despite being tortured by Black Mask. That along with you curves are something to be proud of. Mad Hatter can go fuck himself hopefully on a blade."

Jason let out a snort at the last part. Thankfully it wasn't heard by Robin and Batgirl.

"Thanks little D... I need that and I'm not even going to make you pay up to the curse jar once we get back to the Cave."

* * *

 **A/N: I don't own Batman comics sadly. Here are some other info you might want to read.**

 **First, Stephanie didn't actually die by being tortured by Black Mask. In the comics she faked her death but Jason doesn't know that because he's just now getting to know her.**

 **Second, it's almost freaky how many similarities Jason and Steph have. Another one (that I didn't include) was that each of them had one parent that was willing to kill them. Jason's bio mom handed him over to the Joker knowing who the Joker was and the things he did (which I am counting as willing to kill) while Steph's father threw Steph off the roof of a buliding that was several feet above ground.**

 **...So yeah my poor cinnamon rolls.**


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